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Comfort the Grieving

Helping customers honour loved ones

Written by Bernice Klassen   
When it comes to sympathy work, a florist’s job is to comfort the living and to soothe the sorrow. This objective is direct from the old AFS design books but it holds true today. Dealing with grief and dying is no doubt an uncomfortable subject but it’s a skill that florists need to possess in order to serve the client during what can be one of the most difficult times in his or her life.

Comforting a grieving customer takes special care and attention. I think you get better at it as you get older, but often our staff are young, and entering into the subject is a timid matter. You need to teach your staff that sympathy work is like any other consultation – you have to let clients take their time and say what they need to say. Often you pick up clues as to what would best suit that client and, in turn, can offer design ideas that not only best reflect the person who has passed on, but also give that sense of comfort to those who are grieving. Here’s the process you and your staff should follow when you’re serving a sympathy client.
greiving
Your sympathy clients are coming to you at one of the most difficult times of their lives. You and your staff need to have the skills to console and comfort them throughout the flower ordering process.

1) Give the family space. When family comes in to your shop to inquire about a funeral order, right away you should usher them to a pre-arranged location in your shop that is quieter, away from the scrutiny of others, with lots of tissue on hand. Look them in the eye and console the family by letting them know that you’re sorry for their loss. Let them know you mean what you say. A gesture like a light touch on the arm or back often brings comfort but it may start the tears, and that’s OK. Give them time and space. Non-verbal
cues and comfort are as
effective as verbal.

2) Discover what their needs are. Ask the family if they have something in mind and what type of service it will be (cremation, burial or other). Find out if there are special touches the deceased liked that you can put into the design to honour the loved one. The family may require some time alone to look at examples of sympathy work. Remember, this may be the first time they have ever encountered this task and everything is unfamiliar at a very vulnerable time. Be prepared to give suggestions of everything from which style is most suitable to colour choices. Try to get a feel for the type of service they really want. If you feel confident and comfortable enough to ask “what were they like?” this will give you a good base for making appropriate suggestions. Let the family know you can use your creativity and talent to create an arrangement that represents the deceased loved one, and suggest that items like golf clubs, baseball bats or a favourite quilt can be incorporated into the piece if the family wants it to be really personal. As designers, we need to step out of the box sometimes and become true artists. I remember an AIFD symposium in Atlanta where they did an entirely jazz funeral. It included everything from a “talkin’ to God on the telephone” piece, which included the real old-fashioned telephones to “I’ll fly away,” a design that incorporated birds. I have done a whole front church setup for a gentleman who owned a flower shop but was also a wheat farmer. He was very specific in what he wanted: all white with wheat and just a couple of big pieces rather than a bunch of little designs. It was truly beautiful when the whole church front was pre-designed by the deceased and arranged, and it was a testament to the type of personality he had!

3) Charge for your service. Price is often the most uncomfortable part of dealing with a funeral. You do not want the people to feel embarrassed if they can’t afford what they are asking for. If they have a price point in mind, tell them honestly what you can do at that price point and what you can do at a higher price point. To help begin the pricing process you can suggest three different price points and let the client pick out the number that will suit them. This is a vulnerable time for the family and taking advantage will only be detrimental to further possible sales. Respecting where they are at financially is imperative. For price-conscious clients, use your talent to suggest cheaper and creative alternatives that help stretch the budget and still provide flowers that will comfort and soothe. Make sure the family and loved ones feel they are giving the deceased person the best respect they can. It’s important to them. It helps with the grieving and healing process. I have had the honour of doing flowers for my father and for a sister. They were both wonderful healing moments for me.

4) Walk with the clients to the door. Don’t leave them high and dry after you have their order. Treat them with dignity up until they leave your shop. Thank them for choosing your shop and let them know you will take care of everything from your end. There are a lot of details that need to be looked after and knowing that the service will reflect the person who has passed on because you took the time to help the family with that will relieve some of their anxiety.

Whenever you hire a new staff member, always make sure you provide this employee with training in dealing with clients experiencing grief. Review this annually. We can’t expect them to know on their own, particularly younger people. Take the time to show your staff members how to appear professional and empathetic when serving the sympathy market.

You also need to establish a working relationship with your local funeral home. Don’t be afraid to call up the funeral home and ask if they have time for you to speak to the staff to share the best ways to sell and display sympathy work to make both parties successful. I have done this and it was probably the most profitable idea I had. By working with your local funeral home, you offer them insight as to the benefits of flowers, the importance of seasonal product and ways to use the right verbiage and floral terminology (for example, garden style). I developed a very close relationship with my funeral home because of this initiative. This also gave me insight into the funeral home’s best floral practices: I discovered which floral height works best in their vehicles, what the funeral home’s biggest issues were in regards to flowers and how I could help avoid or alleviate these issues.

The sympathy market is a delicate one that requires you the florist to comfort, console and serve your customers. At times like these you need to be a great listener and a strong shoulder to cry on. If you can care for your clients during some of their darkest days, they’ll be sure to come back to you again and again.

M.G. Bernice Klassen is experienced in nearly every aspect of the floral industry, including retail, wholesale and grocery chain. Armed with a usiness administration degree, with a specialty in marketing and management, Bernice is now offering her services as a floral consultant to the industry. Contact Bernice directly at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it